do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
