if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
