birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
