Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
