i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize