If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
