So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
