On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
