Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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