I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
