I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
