He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
