Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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