we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
