Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize