if you like me you must not know who I am
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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