I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
