took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
