i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize