Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
