I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
