Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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