Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
