It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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