I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
