If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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