I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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