She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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