yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
