this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
