Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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