You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
