i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
