just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
