remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
