Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
