Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
