If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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