i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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