he puts the penis in happiness.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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