He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
