Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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