You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
