ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
