dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
