its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
