It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
