I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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