Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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