I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i've created a new STD.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
