we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
