i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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