Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
