I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize