I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
