I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
