god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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