i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
