I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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