I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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