did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
