Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
