im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
