Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
