If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
