It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize