you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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