Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
