I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
