On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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